How Assertiveness Can Be Used to Defuse a Difficult Situation
Assertiveness is a useful trait in many areas of life, but for managers, leaders and salespeople, it is a vital skill. Many people confuse assertiveness, which is a strong and positive communication technique, with aggressiveness, which is negative and undesirable.
Assertive leaders can obtain the results they desire without bullying, alienating or demeaning others; to be assertive is simply to observe your right to speak up in defence of your personal beliefs and opinions, whilst also respecting that others are entitled to hold a different point of view. Thus the desired outcome of assertive behaviour is to find a mutually acceptable solution to a particular problem or situation; it is not to force acceptance of your point of view upon others against their will.
There are many reasons why managers, and particularly new managers, are reluctant to show assertiveness. They may lack confidence, fear that their assertiveness will be interpreted as aggression or may simply not want to jeopardise a relationship. Handled correctly, however, assertiveness can foster respect and is an essential tool for defusing difficult situations such as resolving conflict, addressing poor performance or giving critical feedback.
Maguire Training can help managers and leaders to develop their confidence and assertiveness via effective courses such as 'Assertiveness and How to Acquire It!', but for those who find assertiveness difficult, here are some tips to help you handle situations in which you need to be assertive in a positive and productive way.
1) Acknowledge exactly why you feel the need to be assertive
In order to tackle an issue assertively, you need to know exactly what the issue is and be able to provide evidence that supports your point of view.
2) Choose a neutral, comfortable and distraction-free environment
Arrange a time and place to meet with the person you wish to have a discussion with, choosing a location in which you will both feel comfortable and will not be interrupted.
3) Keep body language and tone of voice open and non-threatening
Being assertive is not an exercise in intimidation. Smile, maintain eye contact and put the person you are speaking with at ease; this will help to ensure a better outcome for your conversation.
4) Remain non-accusatory and objective
Again, being assertive is not about hurting feelings or prompting arguments. It is about stating the issue as you perceive it, the consequences of the issue, why the situation needs to change and seeking common ground to achieve a mutually acceptable resolution. Apportioning personal blame of the "you did X on Wednesday and as a result, Y happened" variety is unproductive. A better approach is to say "On Wednesday I noticed that Y happened. This is not a situation that I would like to see repeated. How can we ensure that it doesn't happen again?"
5) Maintain respect for the other person's point of view
The other person will have their own opinions and viewpoints on a situation; your purpose is not to 'shout them down' or impose your own opinion as automatically being the only correct opinion. Your goal is to help them understand your point of view and to move forward to a mutually acceptable outcome.
6) Be clear about what needs to change
Ensure that the other person knows that the situation has to change and discuss the ways to achieve this change. Agree to monitor and review the process and invite feedback.
How can we help?
Each time you successfully deal with a situation by being assertive without damaging relationships or compromising morale your confidence will grow. Formal training in assertiveness techniques and strategies can significantly help toward this. Delegates who prefer to learn in an environment and at a pace that suits them can take advantage of online modules such as Assertive Vs Aggressive Behaviour and Influencing Strategies via our innovative and convenient E-learning platform.
